Booty Call Etiquette

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I have had my fair share of matatu randomness in Nairobi. From being harassed, to people eating in them, to the people that sit on half your body and don’t give a crap about it. I have witnessed people who do not understand that the reason I read a book and have my earphones plugged in is because I do not want to talk to you or anyone else for that matter. Even worse, I have seen a flying mattress, story for another day though. I have been working on a series by the name matatu randomness but this particular post couldn’t wait.

It was Friday night, around 10-ish after a movie and a fake dinner with a friend, Bee you know yourself. LOL. Nairobi had rained heavily that evening and as I walked to Odeon I thanked God I had plans that even but couldn’t help thinking just how cold a night I was going to have. The matatu only had three people sitting and I chose to seat by the window on the row close to makanga. He came and sat next to me. The only reason I paid any attention was because I was judging him. And with good reason I believe.

He wore and oversized white suit, the material had a weird looking texture. A grey shirt and a tie that had no particular pattern. He had an HP laptop bag and held it really close to his chest. Must have had something important, I thought.   After wondering if he had a mirror or any friends or maybe that was his everyday look, I went back to checking out the recent posts on Instagram.

As the matatu filled up, he seemed to be deep in thoughts. We got on to university way and he pulled out his phone. The China kind with huge screens and really bad fonts. Cameras with a 5 megapixel label but takes photos that look like they were developed in an actual developing room but the process ends half way. Not forgetting people in the photos usually look like they are made of sand. So with this huge idea of a phone, I hear him bark “I’m lonely. Si ukuje”. I was shocked and wondered “okay what next?” He repeated the words and from the disappointment on his face, I guess whoever he was calling said no.

He scrolled through his huge phone again before making another call.

‘I’m lonely. Si ukuje.’

‘Wewe kuja tu. Am In Westlands naenda home. Kuja’

Given that after this he did not place another call, it is safe to assume the second choice said yes. I couldn’t help but wonder how the person on the other end of the line was thinking. Or maybe this is something they were used to already. Minutes later I alighted and headed to the house to embrace my cold night.