The first time I started solo dating I didn’t go in with a plan. I was prepared to just choose one random day a month and one random date from my date jar, and then make it happen. I immediately noticed a flaw in my system the day I pulled out a note that had a date that needed a lot more planning. So, I decided to refine the system and colour coded it, at home vs outside dates. Still, that wasn’t efficient enough.

That’s when I moved to using more colour codes. This time round using popsicle sticks and some highlighters. I decided to work with pricing. From free, to the most expensive date I was willing to go on at the time.
This system was a lot more efficient but the biggest problem, I was not ‘finding the time’. That’s such a cop out because time is always there, it’s just a matter of planning.

That was the biggest hinderance. I didn’t really create the time. My solo dates quickly went from fun, well planned and thought-out events to by the ways that I’d jump on because Kenya power decided we didn’t deserve power on a random Sunday.

This is a new year, we are trying this again.

The first thing we are doing is addressing the time issue.

If I’m being honest, my indiscipline around time was a bigger issue than I expected, I guess this is a story for another day. However, I have a calendar now for all my things, no matter how small and insignificant I might think they are. This has really changed my productivity and emotions of guilt/shame when I rest. So, with everything else, the solo dates are on my calendar.

Talk about adulting!

This has been a game changer. Because not only do I add it to the calendar, I have to specify what the date is, where it’s happening and figure out if I need to plan for it and how. Doing this has me looking forward to my dates well in advance, plan according to my budget, the weather, social events and everything in between. The dates even when small, have become extremely meaningful. I consider my solo dates a reward.

If you were wondering how to get started on your solo dating journey, I have a few pointers from all the mistakes I have made in the past.

1. Make time for your solo date – add it to your calendar the same you would add a meeting, because this is a meeting with yourself.
2. Plan in advance– it is a lot easier to cancel a last-minute plan than it is to cancel something you have been looking forward to.
3. Consider your solo dates rewards – after a crazy week at work, after giving to your work, your kids, your family and your friends, give a little to yourself too.
4. Stay away from your phone – carry a book, people watch, read a magazine, watch a new film basically, don’t do things you wouldn’t do on a date with another person.
5. Use your love languages – love yourself the way you receive love. If Gifts are at the bottom of the list for you, buying yourself flowers wouldn’t have as big of an impact as someone whose main love language is receiving gifts. It’s time to utilise all those online quizzes you took.
6.  Be intentional – Don’t plan dates because they would look cute in picture. Plan dates you would enjoy.
7. Be realistic – with time, the date ideas and the budgets to avoid feelings of disappointment.
8. Have fun, don’t beat yourself up if you miss a date you’d planned for, just reschedule it.