Holaaaa… long time no talk. Last time we spoke I was 29 years old. I’m not anymore. 29, in case that wasn’t clear.
I am 30 bi*ch!
How have you been doing?
I hope you are sane. Staying positive and all that cool jazz. Hey, we are still here. That’s got to count for something, right?
So, I turned 30, 21 days ago. Nothing much has changed. Well, I do feel 30 but I guess you have to feel the new age every time you get older. Or whatever. It is probably knowing I am 30 vs feeling 30.
It’s interesting, I read a tweet about how people expect you to gain this new found knowledge the moment the clock hits midnight on your birthday. It never works that way, it’s just another day.
I was very excited about turning 30. I think your 30s are where you actually start living your life for yourself. I’ve been ahead of the pack 😂. For Real though, once you turn 30…
Okay, I know it has only been 21 days, but once you turn 30, that’s like when you start making choices and everything is just about you. Like nothing else matters but you. Now you are on your own. With the weight of the society on your shoulders and all the ‘supposed to’ start to haunt you.
Think of it this way. From the moment you’re born until you turn 18, people are constantly thinking on your behalf. You go to campus, you think these are the years for me to discover myself. But then you still don’t know who you are. You are still told where to be when to be, what to eat, where to sleep. Say you clear campus at 25 or 27. Now you’re looking for a job. And even that. Still sort of predetermined because, what did you study? Who do you know? Are you just trying to make money? Why are you following your passion? Wait, what is your passion?
After you find that job, you move out.
Time to start trying to discover who you are. You taste a beer here. Try out whiskey. Go to the disco that your mom forbade as long as you lived under her roof. Turns out clubbing isn’t for you after all. Maybe she was on to something. You don’t like the taste of beer, so you try your hand at sweet drinks. Only order mojitos when you are out with the girls. You know, discovering.
You start discovering people. How much you don’t like them. That exploring sexually bug bites. Yeah, yeah, I know all the church folks are like ‘Oh my God I’m gonna get married a Virgin’ good for you Nancy, you do that.
Yes, you start exploring yourself sexually and you discover the sad sad truths about being a woman in Nairobi or the world for that matter.
You turned 30. And now you’re ‘supposed to’ have figured shit out.
You’ve only had about three years of experience, but you’re supposed to have figured you shit out by now. How unfair is that shit!
All your life choices now have to be perfect, please your parents, prepare a future that is financially stable not just for you, but for your imaginary future kids. Not forgetting, taking care of your parents as they get older, offer hand outs to your siblings and those ‘I used to babysit you when you were two years old’ relatives. All with three to five years of experience.
And when you don’t have your shit figured out, woof. They will eat you alive. They start questioning every little thing you do. Why are you not married yet? When are you having kids. Where is your boyfriend?
You have just been introduced to yourself but suddenly you are expected to have the roadmap to your life’s journey for the next 30 years.
Yeah, like I said, I turned thirty, 21 days ago. The cool thing is, like I said, I have been ahead of the pack. I started thinking for myself a while ago. I’m not trying to say people don’t think for themselves, but, I started asking myself those hard, don’t go there questions. Asking the why to everything I was told was expected of me. They don’t like when you do that. Rebellious and white washed is what they label you.
I’m happy. I saved myself some time. No need for anyone to tell me who I am. I know what I like and how I want to do my life.
Honestly, I no longer waste my time on people or things that don’t bring me joy. Disrespectful people. I’m like if we don’t match, we don’t match, we move regardless.
I learned to let go. The coolest thing ever. When shit happens you say fuck it, whatever. Ten minutes later, you don’t even remember it. Like honestly, that feeling is everything. Holding on to things will kill you. I learned to say sorry to those who deserve it and learned to stop expecting it even when I deserve it.
I’m excited for this new decade. I don’t know what it has to offer, but I’m excited for it. Whatever it comes with. I know there’s like a lot of people who say that once women turn 30, they stop giving a fuck. I started a while ago, so I’ll just continue on that.
We ain’t got no fucks to give. We left them in our 20s.
I’m not sure what’s happening in this year, but you know what? I am going to just take it a day at a time. Enjoy the things that come to me. Take the lessons that I get along the way. Cut off whoever needs to be cut off. Access revoked.
Trying to be a better content creator. I’ve not been a good content creator. Been spreading myself a little too thin, but I think now I have a hang on how I want my things to run, what those things are and how I want to get them going. So yay me. I’m going to become a good content creator. I have watched so many new productions and old. I can’t wait to share all of them with you.
We lost Clover. It’s been hard, but we are coping and that’s the best we can do. I still feel guilty. I feel like I could have done something. You know, but such is life. That’s all I have to say there.
Did I mentioned that we moved again? Yep. Within six months of moving the other time. I’ve already turned the new place into our home.
I guess I just wanted to say, ‘Hey I’m back.’ And this time I am sticking around. I have a plan. That’s what’s important. I gots a plans. Let’s see what the last four months of the year have to offer. This year has just been doing its own thing.
We’re not here for it. But we have to live it.